


The Habits of Extremely Annoying People

by PBJellie



Series: South Park Kink Meme Requests [14]
Category: South Park
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Hand Jobs, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 08:32:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14996921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PBJellie/pseuds/PBJellie
Summary: Kyle and Butters are roommates at college.Joy.Written for the South Park Kink Meme.





	The Habits of Extremely Annoying People

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt: 
> 
> Can I get a Kyle/Butters fic where like, Kyle sort of hates/is disgusted by Butters because he's so pathetic but then Butters gets like, spit on or something along those lines and is crying so Kyle sorta has to coddle him?

“ So we’re roomies!” Butters shouted, catapulting himself towards Kyle. Kyle,already annoyed with Butters childish antics, sidestepped the attack, allowing Butters to fall onto the the barely padded surface the University of Denver tried to pass off as a bed.    
  
“So we are,” Kyle sneered. 

Butters, ever the early riser, had already been in their room, and had decorated his side. There were large floor length posters of My Little Pony characters, pastel pinks and yellows bore into his eyelids. It wasn’t even like Butters could see the pictures from his side. No, there was no way. These were  there purely for Kyle’s pleasure, even if that wasn’t Butters original intention.    
  
Gross.    
  
“I’m real excited. I was nervous about meeting my roommate,” he bumped his fists together, like he was still in the fourth grade, not a young adult taking on loads of debt to get a job. Kyle assumed he was taking out loans; it wasn’t like Butters was smart enough, or special enough, to get a scholarship. And even if he had a scholarship, it was just one, not a full ride like Kyle.    
  
“But it’s you, so that’s great. Stupendous, really. Isn’t stupendous a great word? I learned it in SAT prep and I just kept using it,” Butters laughed, like Kyle hadn’t zoned out through his babbling.    
  
“Yeah,” Kyle deadpanned, eyes shut as he took in a deep breath, then released it. “Stupendous,” he was careful to accent every syllable.   
  
“Oh, I’m so glad you agree. It’s real nice to share a room with someone you like, isn’t it?”    
  
Kyle nodded, eyes doing another sweep of the room. Butters had brought a mini fridge, he could probably get him to share without much effort. Hell, maybe he’d offer before Kyle could get a word in edgewise. He had a coffee pot, too. Kyle had said in the anonymous letter, that he was bringing a coffee pot. Did Butters not trust his coffee pot?    
  
“I can’t wait to have all sorts of fun adventures at college with you,” Kyle nodded again. He hoped he wouldn’t have an adventures with Butters. He was bummed enough that Stan went to the University of Arizona, even though Kyle told him over and over to come to Denver. He could have put in to be roommates with Stan, and he wouldn’t be nodding vapidly as Butters blathered on about friendship and crossroads, like a demented Hallmark card.    
  
Butters was an old person at age eighteen, Kyle sighed.    
  
“Yeah, Butters,” he said in a pause, “it’ll be so much fun.” And Butters didn’t catch any of the sarcasm as Kyle sat his suitcase down on his bed. He didn’t even seem to notice when Kyle placed the bag in such a way that the wheels would dig into his thigh. What was Butters doing on his bed? Hadn’t he read the pamphlet on boundaries?    
  
“I’m so glad you agree!” He squealed.    
  
“Yep,” Kyle droned.    
  
“I’m gonna go to the commons. I have Uno! Do you want to come with?” Butters smiled with all his teeth, and for some reason, Kyle just wanted to punch him. Hard.    
  
“No, I’d rather die. Thanks for asking, though.”    
  
“Ah haha,” it was a full belly laugh, like he was listening to his favorite comedian, who was probably Jeff Dunham, or someone equally terrible. “You’re so funny, Kyle. I’m so happy to be your roommate.”    
  
“Likewise,” Kyle snorted.    
  
“We’re gonna have so much fun together,” was all Kyle could hear as Butters jumped off of his bed, quickly rifled through his stuff, and pranced out of the room.    
  
Kyle did not respond.    
  
  


* * *

  
  
  
“You’re in my English class!” Butters sat down in the front row, in the seat right next to Kyle.    
  
“I guess it’s just God’s will,” Kyle sighed. He had thought the persecution of his people had been enough. No, of course not, this was another burden for him to bear. Like he was some kind of demented oxen.    
  
“We can take notes together, then we can go over them in our room!” He was shouting, even though the room was mostly empty, and dead quiet.    
  
“Yep, Butters,” Kyle forced a grin onto his face, lest the smattering of students see him as a monster who couldn’t even hold a pleasant conversation. It didn’t matter if it was the truth or not, it was about presentation. How a man presents himself is everything. He’d been told that for as long as he could remember.    
  
Apparently, no one taught Butters that.    
  
Because Butters was unzipping a Lisa Frank trapper keeper: kittens, glitter, and all. Kyle tried not to scowl while Butters could see him, though he didn’t think that Butters had the innate intellect to pick up on that sort of thing. He seemed to be completely lacking in terms of social graces.    
  
“I hope our teacher is a real pretty lady, wouldn’t that be nice?” Kyle didn’t even justify that with a nod. “Wait, you don’t like ladies, do you?”    
  
Kyle felt his face flush as he desperately looked around the room. The closest person to them, a girl in velour sweat pants, had headphones on, though if they were on, he couldn’t say. Everyone else seemed otherwise engaged. If they had heard Butters, they weren’t showing it.    
  
“That’s okay, I’m a little bicurious, myself,” he rambled. “I just like pretty people. Don’t you like pretty people?” He didn’t give Kyle a chance to respond, just kept on rolling through the conversation like a train. There was no stopping Butters. “I guess I just like pretty things. Isn’t my binder pretty? It’s got seven kittens on it, if you could the back. That’s neato, ain’t it? I bought it on eBay. It’s vintage, but I don’t care too much about that sort of thing. I just like the kittens. I got a different one for each class, so I’d always be excited to go to class. My biology one has puppies all over it. Puppies all piled together in a basket, mouths open and eyes big and cute. Don’t you just love cute things?”    
  
Kyle didn’t respond. He just let his head fall straight into the desk. He hoped Butters would be quiet and bury his nose in that stupid kitten atrocity once the class started.  
  


* * *

 

 

“Can I sleep in your bed?” Butters mewled. It was four days into classes, and this was the first time Kyle had heard him talk like anything close to a regular person. 

“No,” he said, immediately.

“I had a nightmare,” he whimpered, switching on the light. The alarm clock next to Kyle's bed read 3:24 am. It was not time for light. 

“Go to sleep,” Kyle groaned. “Be a goddamn adult and sleep.” 

“Oh geeze,” he hiccupped. “Oh geeze,” he repeated, voice choked off. Kyle was starting to almost feel sorry for him, beneath the rage that was coursing through his viens. 

“No, just go back to sleep,” Kyle repeated, sitting up in his bed. “You're so pathetic.” 

“Huh?” Butters sniffled, watching wide eyed as Kyle climbed out of bed. 

“I said,” he got into his face, close enough for spit to land on the bridge of his nose, “go to fucking sleep, you big baby.” 

Something came over Kyle as he watched the little droplets of spittle fall onto his face. Something primal, mostly full of rage. He hawked up spit from the back of his throat, paused for a minute, then spat right on his face. 

He almost regretted it when it was done.   
  
Almost. 

Mostly, he just felt a rush of exhilaration. He had done something completely outside of the bounds of society, to someone who seemed to operate outside those bounds. He wanted to do it again, but Butters started to cry. 

Big tears rolled down his checks, and he leaned in to Kyle, wrapping both arms around his waist. 

“If you let me sleep in your bed, I’ll give you a handie,” Butters wailed. “My uncle Bud says I'm real good at them.” 

Kyle fought to choke back a wave of guilt. He froze beneath Butters touch. 

“Please,” he pleaded, rubbing his face against Kyle's t-shirt. “Please let me sleep with you.” 

“Fine,” Kyle replied without thinking. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to relish in the fact that he had just spat on the roommate who made his life a personal hell. 

“Thank you,” he squealed. “Thanks, thanks a million. You're such a great roommate.”

As they climbed into bed, Kyle wondered if that was true. He stopped wondering when Butters’ hand grazed the skin under his sleep pants. He didn't want to think of who Butters had learned this from. He didn't want to think that, in a way, this was paying for sex. But wasn't everything paying for sex? You pay with your time, usually. Kyle was just paying by letting someone press their body into his. 

Once Butters’ soft hand loosely gripped his cock, pumping lazily to start, Kyle figured he made the right choice. When Butters' thumbnail scrapped ever so gently down the underside of his dick, he knew he did. 

“Jesus Christ,” Kyle moaned. “You're good at this for someone whose real annoying.” 

“Yeah?” Butters asked, breath hot against Kyle's ear. 

“Shit,” he hissed in through his teeth as Butters got comfortable in a rhythm. “This makes you almost tolerable.” 

“Aww, shucks,” Butters whispered. “You don't have to say such nice things about me.” 

“They're not nice,” Kyle moaned as Butters sped up his hand. “I'm not nice to you Butters.” 

“Sure you are,” Butters argued. “You let me sit next to you in English class and you're the best roommate a guy could ask for. I'm happy I'm your roommate.” 

And as Kyle came, sticky against his boxers, he thought that maybe, just maybe it was nice to be Butters roommate, too. 


End file.
